Even as living hostages are home: What we owe those who died for them – Opinion

jenscheiner
Oct 23
3 min read

By Dan Elbaum | The Jerusalem Post | October 22, 2025

“The hardest time of the year is Sukkot.”

Revital Djaoui Ben Yaakov said this quietly as we stood in her beautiful home in Yesha, a small moshav about 50 kilometers from the Gaza border. The name of her community translates to “Salvation.” It’s so small, just over 500 residents, that most houses don’t even have addresses. Everyone knows where their neighbors live.

“We sit in the sukkah,” she said softly, recalling October 6, 2023, “and I think – this was the last time we were all together. This was the last time we were complete.”

The next day, Hamas terrorists attempted to infiltrate the neighboring Moshav Mivtahim. Revital’s husband, Lior, along with a member of the moshav’s security team and a visiting IDF soldier, joined two members of Mivtahim’s team to defend their homes. Vastly outnumbered, they were killed just steps from the Ben Yaakov home, as Revital and their three children – Ella, Ziv, and Itamar – hid in the safe room, less than six meters away. Their desperate stand likely saved the moshav; the attackers retreated after the fierce battle.

Their dream home

The home where we stood was not the one where the tragedy took place. It was the dream home that Revital and Lior had planned together – built after the world they knew was shattered. It’s where she feels his presence most strongly.

I met her shortly after the two-year memorial for her husband. Of the 351 widows created in the last two years, over a third lost their spouses on October 7. A total of 885 children, 250 of them under the age of five, have lost a parent in battle. This is four times as many orphans from this war as in the previous ten years combined.

A sacrifice not forgotten

Efrat Dafner, another widow I spoke with at the memorial, described her feelings as “surreal.”

The nation – and much of the world – was rejoicing as the 20 living hostages returned home. President Trump had just declared the war officially over from the floor of the Knesset.

“Of course I’m happy for the families of the hostages,” she told me. “But I also feel as if in some ways our sacrifice is being tucked away in the rush to move on.”

Worthy priorities

Next month, the Jewish Federations of North America will gather in Washington under three themes: rebuilding Israel, ensuring community security, and driving Jewish engagement. These are worthy priorities, but we must ask: How can we credibly claim to rebuild Israel if we do not rebuild the lives of those who gave everything for their country?

For 35 years, the IDF Widows and Orphans Organization (IDFWO) has been the sole body recognized by the Israeli government to represent the spouses and children of Israel’s fallen heroes. Its board is made up entirely of widows and orphans – those who understand, from within, the cost of Israel’s survival. The Defense Ministry informs the organization immediately when a soldier falls, ensuring that support begins at once.

Support that restores hope

That support takes many forms.

For Revital’s children, it has meant attending Otzma camps – safe spaces where, as she put it, “The kids don’t have to explain anything. They don’t have to be afraid someone will ask and they won’t know what to say. They see how many others are like them.”

For some widows, it means job training programs for a future they never imagined facing alone.

For more than 30 pregnant widows, it has meant programs with midwives who guided them through bringing new life into the world without their husbands by their side.

For many families, it’s bar mitzvah trips, holiday gifts, or a community that helps fill a hole that can never truly be filled – but must be tended with love.

To meet this need, the organization has more than tripled since October 7.

Rebuilding everything

The story of rebuilding Israel is inseparable from rebuilding these lives. It’s also inseparable from our collective security and engagement as a people.

How can we feel truly safe while those who paid the highest price still struggle in silence?

How can we speak of Jewish engagement without engaging with them?

At Hostage Square, Rachel Goldberg-Polin spoke of the Book of Kohelet, read during Sukkot:

“There is a time to sob, and a time to dance.”

She added, “We have to do both right now.”

Today is a time for dancing. It is a time for sobbing. And it is a time for action.

The writer is Executive Director of IDF Widows & Orphans Organization USA.